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Happiness is usually what we think we’ll get once we accomplish X, Y, and Z: dream job, perfect partner, higher salary, bigger house.However, things like fame, merchandise, success and recognition are old idea of ​​happiness was made. According to this way of thinking, once we’ve achieved one goal, it’s time to set another goal that’s sure to make us happy…but it never actually does.Society tells us that achieving personal success will make us happy, but that’s actually a lie, says Stephanie Harrison, who is new happy.

Stephanie developed the New Happiness Philosophy during her graduate studies at the University of Pennsylvania, where she earned a master’s degree in Applied Positive Psychology.what is new happy? It comes down to setting compassionate goals, not self-image goals that you try to earn or maintain approval from others. We chatted with Stephanie, whose colorful, data-driven IG has amassed more than 400,000 followers, about this new outlook on life.

Why does happiness seem out of reach for many people?

Stephanie: I was fascinated to discover that many of our beliefs about happiness come not from within but from the world around us. These beliefs have a profound effect on our behavior and perception.

exist new happyour philosophy establishes a paradigm that distinguishes between “old joy,” the definition of happiness that the world around you teaches you, and “new joy,” a new science-backed approach to happiness that not only helps you, but world.

I think one of the core problems is that many of us don’t even know we have a definition of happiness, let alone what it is and how it affects us. If we have a completely unrealistic definition of happiness, like the old happy one, then happiness will always be out of reach.In Old Happy, happiness is always an achievement – it’s always Next Someone who will eventually make you good enough that you can stop, take a break, spend time with the people you love, and be who you want to be. Beginning to notice this pattern in ourselves is a very important way to begin to shift our perspective.

How We Are Misled About Happiness What harm does this do to people?

Stephanie: The core belief behind the old happy paradigm is that you’re not good enough, and to make up for that, you have to get out there and achieve something in the world in order to be worthwhile. This belief caused great suffering. Feeling like we’re only conditionally worthy puts us in a state of constant self-assessment, judging how well we’re doing and how close we are to “enough” — an exhausting experience that constantly drains our joy and vitality.

When I look at our shared happiness challenges, like burnout and loneliness, I see old joy. We need to broaden our discussions about well-being and happiness to include social influences, many of which are not acknowledged. If our world teaches us that happiness comes from getting more, and all our systems reinforce this, then we will prioritize personal success and remove those vital avenues of happiness such as our connection, nature, and help People in our communities and the world around us.

My contention is that there is a better way to find happiness: by using your true gifts to serve the world. This is what I call new joy. To be happy, you need to feel useful. There are so many problems in our world that need help: they need your brain, your heart, your hands, your energy, your voice. There are people who are suffering and need exactly what you have to offer. In doing so, you’ll not only help make our world a better place, but when you express yourself authentically, you’ll find purpose, feel joy often, and develop a stable, lasting sense of well-being. This approach to happiness is grounded in compassion for all people, recognizing that we are all interconnected and that we need to care about the collective for individual happiness. It’s also hopeful: I believe that if we come together, we have the power to create a world where everyone can experience the happiness they deserve.

Can you share some data points that support the idea of ​​new happiness?

Stephanie: One of the research topics that underpins our philosophy is calming your ego. It is the process of finding a sustainable balance between self and others that leads to positive growth for all.This is related Personal outcomes, such as self-esteem and resilience, and the actions you take in the world. Having a quiet self goes hand in hand with setting compassionate goals—goals in which you try to contribute to the well-being of others. These are in contrast to self-image goals, in which you try to win or maintain the approval of others—the old pleasure goals.While self-image goals are associated with declines in self-esteem and relationships, compassionate goals are connect With increased self-esteem and connection.

Another important element of our philosophy is the acknowledgment of our interconnectedness. I think it’s really beautiful that research shows that when we care about others, we experience self-interest; when we care about ourselves, we’re inspired and supported to care for others.give Increase Your own positive emotions, sense of connection and meaning to others.the most recent one study Acting in a more altruistic way was found to correlate with greater well-being.

Turning to research on taking care of ourselves, we can see benefits, too.extend compassion to yourself predict Reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress and increase well-being.one study It was found that practicing self-affirmation increases feelings of self-compassion, which in turn motivates acts of giving. Every time you care for yourself, you are supporting your ability to serve others; and every time you care for others, you are caring for yourself. It’s all connected.

Is there anyone who is inherently happier, or can you learn to be happier?

Stephanie: There’s some debate about this, but many scholars believe we have a universal “happiness set point,” which is your base, natural level of natural happiness. It helps to think of it more like a range where you can lift yourself to the highest point based on your daily behavior. What you do matters.

Happiness is not just the emotion you feel when things are going well. It’s about living a happy life, an existence that is in tune with who you are and what matters most to you.

A powerful reframing here is to see happiness as an action, not an outcome, an old happy view. When you live your life, being who you are and sharing that self in a way that is of positive benefit to others, you experience happiness as a by-product.

In what ways can we experience more joy in our lives?

Stephanie: Creating joy in our lives is a priority. Such emotions contribute not only to our own well-being, but also to our relationships, our ability to help and support others, and our resilience. Here are some strategies.

First, help those around you. Service is at the heart of our philosophy, and for a reason! There’s so much research on the power of giving: It doesn’t just affect our well-being, it affects our physical health as well.It can have a positive effect on your blood pressure, reduce your stress, and even extend your life longevity. Do small things right now: send someone a thank you text, let a loved one know how special they are to you, do a random act of kindness, share your expertise with someone, donate to a cause that needs you or Advocate, engage in warm conversations with strangers, ask how someone is doing and listen carefully. In the long run, think about how to use your gifts—real acts that bring you joy—and dedicate them to contributing to the collective well-being of the world.

Second, slow down and look for the good in the world around you. We miss out on a lot of good, important stuff because we’re so focused on what we need to do. Make up your mind to find the good: the good qualities of a loved one, something in nature, a moment of kindness. Once you see it, allow yourself to savor and really immerse yourself in it. Take advantage of the added benefit of your social connections by telling others about it if you can. When you share it with someone, you are able to extend the quality of the moment beyond the event itself, and it’s a happy ripple effect that touches you and your relationship in a meaningful way.

Third, if you have access to the outside world. As many of us are stuck at home, our feelings of loneliness and isolation can increase.one study 20 minutes in nature was found to lower cortisol, your stress hormone, by up to 20%!Nature is also the most reliable place to experience a sense of awe, which can inspire Acts of giving and compassion.

Finally, let happiness be a common pursuit. Decide with your family or roommates or friends that you will consciously “happy” a routine, such as making dinner, doing chores, or a routine. Ask yourself, what would make me feel more connected to this activity, this moment, or the person with whom we share it? There are many creative ways to do this. In one of our new joy challenges, where we teach joy techniques, participants come up with all kinds of brilliant ideas, including cooking recipes from around the world, throwing dance parties at the end of the workday, and sharing moments of gratitude at the end of each day family.

How can we support our friends when they are down?

Stephanie: As a society, we don’t feel very comfortable with pain, suffering, grief, and the difficulty of being human. There is so much pressure to act happy and act like you have it all. No one has it all, everyone goes through something, and I think it’s very damaging for all of us to collectively pretend that it’s not true.

If someone trusts you enough to confide in you about their pain, this is a great opportunity to cultivate your connection, share micro moments of love, and support them. I developed an acronym to help you be there in these moments: FANAL, which is an old word for lighthouse or lighthouse. I love this metaphor because it teaches us how to be of service to others: standing firm in ourselves, sharing the light that shines on them, and guiding them to a place of safety and security.

Here’s how to use it:

• F: focus on people. Give them your undivided attention and make this moment a moment about them.
• A: Ask them how they feel. If they ignore you or give standard answers, you may need to ask gently a second time or in a different way to show that you really want to know how they are doing.
• N: Pay attention to their pain。 Many of us dread seeing pain as if it’s embarrassing or contagious. It makes suffering people feel so alone. Try to really see them and their pain.
• A: Acknowledge their experiences. This pain is probably the most visible thing in their lives right now. Respect this reality. Don’t deny it or try to change their mind about it. Tell them you see what they are going through and how painful it is.
• L: listen. Keep listening, ask more questions, invite them to keep sharing. Stay with them until they are ready to change the subject.

This practice will help you serve them in a compassionate way.

Thanks Stephanie!You can follow Xinhuan @newhappyconew happy.

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main image by Jacob Owens existno splash

This post is updated based on previous stories.