“I was born here, I will be buried here”: Stay in Afghanistan | Human Rights

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On August 15, 2021, the Taliban took over Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan, and regained control of the country after nearly 20 years. Since then, thousands of people have fled, fearing that they might return to the harsh rule of the 1990s, when women were not allowed to go to school or work. But some people are determined to stay. The 38-year-old Nadima’s family fled Afghanistan when she was a baby. As an adult, she came back. Now, despite the fear and uncertainty, she refuses to leave again. In her own words, this is her story.

I talked with my cousin who has a little girl here in Afghanistan; they are really scared. It makes me very emotional, but I am fine.

I’m not going anywhere.

Under no circumstances will I fucking leave.

I was born here and I will be buried here.

I will tell you why. This escape model must be broken.

I cannot represent everyone. I tried to tell some of my foreign Afghans that we want to stay. They were so upset that they stopped me. This makes me feel very lonely.

Nadima is referred to by her followers on social media as her other self, Patinggala Kakai, and she has been exploring Afghanistan.She spread the message of unconditional love that resonated with many people [Photo courtesy of Nadima]

In 1984, when I was one year old, my parents left Afghanistan. They ran away in extreme pain. My mother told me how she ran across the mountains to Pakistan, was chased by a dog, and blisters formed on her feet. They have not eaten for several days. They were afraid and even robbed.

At that time I was a baby, crying to breastfeed, and my mother didn’t know how to comfort me.

I can never understand the story my mother shared at the time, although I can understand and sympathize. I will feel sorry for my mother because she will be so emotional.

It’s hard to believe that she told me these stories 10 years ago. The first time she shared her experience of fleeing to Pakistan was when we first immigrated to Canada in 1999. We have been complaining that we moved from Dubai, where is our home for 14 years.

I was shocked when I learned all the details that my parents had to endure.

I was 16 years old.

My mother smiled and said, “You are very lucky. You came by plane and you have food. Do you know my story, how I immigrated?”

She felt sorry that her home broke down again. “I’m tired of moving again and again,” she said, telling my father that she would never leave Canada again.

Now, I can witness and experience her experience over the years.

Nadima saw here when she visited an orphanage in Kabul in April 2021 that she used her social media presence to advocate for basic human rights [Photo courtesy of Nadima]

Friends sent me food, things they no longer needed, plants they couldn’t take care of, and asked me to keep them alive.

“Yes, please take care of my plants, please take care of…,” they said.

Some women I know gave me beauty and skin care products that they must have bought overseas, or they gave me as gifts.

I watched them leave one by one.

A few days ago, I had to help a friend pack up and prepare to leave Kabul. Very sad, but I looked at her and said, “You know, is it amazing that you are detoxifying? You are giving khair [charity], You are helping others now. Look at it this way. “

“It’s true,” she agreed.

“Come on girl, let’s make it fun,” I said, trying to calm the atmosphere. “You are packing, you are traveling, and you want to share your story. You did not run away, you have to leave because you are in a different situation.”

“You can give me your food. I have food for a week and I will help people who come to my house. I will tell them your name. So this is how I remember you in history: this girl came to me , My good friend, she is leaving, I helped her pack her things, and she gave me all her beautiful clothes.”

I tried to comfort her and tell her “this is just a thing”, but I realized that people have memories of things. They have an emotional connection with objects and gifts from relatives. The fair things I see may make sense to someone, even if they don’t make any sense to me.

I finally managed to cheer her up.

I’m still sorting out the things she left for family and friends, thinking they might find some of them valuable or useful.

Her relatives came to collect her property, which is now their property. Everyone burst into tears for a moment, sharing a story about her: “Oh, she is a good woman. May God reward her with blessings. May her His belief is firmer.”

It’s interesting to hear how people talk about those who have left the country.They don’t say “May you succeed”, but they say, “May your Iman [faith] Be strong. “

This language makes it sound like a farewell after death, with a religious touch, as if those people did not just leave, but really died. The fear of death looms over my country, so I wonder if this has caused this subconscious shift.

My parents wanted me to leave here, but I am no longer the one-year-old child they had to flee from, the child who couldn’t speak at the time.

I want to break this pattern, or at least try to break this pattern.

The Mundozai Youth Council awarded Nadima an honorary master’s degree in April 2021 in recognition of her efforts to increase mental health awareness in the country [Photo courtesy of Nadima]

I will stay here and wait for my time to talk about what this country needs to do. I feel that it is not correct to leave this country for the safety of Canada. Canada has been my home for 20 years before I moved back to Afghanistan in December 2019. I don’t want to be restricted to media that exist online and live thousands of miles away on social media.

I don’t think my message will be so strong after I leave. So here I am, I can conduct live social media meetings in Afghanistan and urge people to stay in my country for my country.

But I also felt a heavy, a sense of responsibility, especially some family and friends decided to stay, because I comforted them and convinced them not to leave.

“Listen, don’t go to the airport, you will get hurt, you have a one-year-old baby. I am here, if it really is that bad, I will run away,” I told them.

In my heart, I know it will go bad, but maybe it will get better. who knows?

But one thing I can be sure of is that I will not leave and make a decision based on someone’s past trauma and let their fear become my fear.

I have never been an impulsive person. I will not make a hasty decision. I always sit down, reflect, evaluate, examine the pros and cons, and weigh the possibilities-so I am not going to change this now.

I don’t follow the trend, I never follow the trend, so I stay.

* Nadima, her followers call her another self, Patinggala Kakai, a Pashtun Social media influencer Focus on spreading unconditional love and advocating the basic human rights of all people.