Ask Damon: I’m going into adult entertainment. What if someone finds out?

anonymous: Of many people, my first question is who is uncomfortable? You have expressed peace with your decision to enter the adult entertainment industry.

So who does these conversations make uncomfortable? I ask because shame is cunning, cunning and cunning, and it sometimes finds its way to places we think are protected. Some of your language choices (“anonymous warm blanket”) suggest that you may have some fears, which are natural things to do when starting anything new, especially one that has the potential to be polarizing.

But I think you should be honest with yourself before considering how other people feel when they find out about your new job You can Feel. Will it negatively affect your mental and emotional health? Are you prepared for what might happen if someone you care about treats you differently? What about acquaintances or random people on the street? Also, how many communities do you belong to? Because your college friend’s reply may be different from your church friend’s reply.

It must also be said that there is a clear risk that your work will negatively impact your livelihood.I don’t just mean friends and family, but yours money. I can’t count how many stories I’ve read Teachers lose their jobs after OnlyFans accounts are discovered. I don’t know what you do for a living. Maybe not the kind of Puritan whose public-facing profession drives people to radicalization. Either way, the risks are real.

Anything I’ve provided so far is beyond my expertise. Fortunately, I know an expert.Jessica Stoya (with Rich Juzwiak) writes Slate’s “How To” Sex Advice Column. I’ve been a fan of it for years. Her advice is always thoughtful, radical, rigorous, and serious (and sometimes funny), so I turned to her for help.

Stoya writes: “In general, there is a lot to do. For example, people outside of adult work tend to think that cams and OnlyFans masturbate all day and miss out on marketing, bookkeeping, legal paperwork and the body care involved. Other major misconceptions stem from news stories about outliers that make a lot of money, and outliers being trafficked.

“Be prepared for intrusive questions, these kinds of questions [author and therapist] Lucy Fielding talks about unethical curiosities like “What’s your weirdest client story?” or “What’s the worst thing that ever happened on set?” and “How disappointed are your parents?” I often end these conversations with “I feel like I’m doing an interview right now and would prefer an equal discussion between two people,” or by recommending my own writing and other people’s papers. I also often do the work of interpreting complex realities, which can be exhausting but worth it for someone I want to have in my life in an important way. At the end of the day, discomfort is part of life, especially when we are on an unusual and stigmatized path. It’s not fair, but it’s true. “

She also recommends Heather Berg’s book,”pornography,” as “a great resource for understanding the nuances of a field of sex labor – most people can live decent lives, and most suffer from the kind of exploitation that is unfortunately common to all industries. I also interviewed a friend who has some insights into sex work (and wishes to remain anonymous). She recommends that you focus on the work of black women, such as Miller Miller-Young and others think about sex work in a critical and intersectional way.

Every piece of advice here comes from the same umbrella: a call to educate yourself as much as possible so you can be well-prepared for the industry and have a healthy experience. I hope this helps you.