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Parent coach says overexposure to devices can affect their physiology, offers tips on how parents can limit kids’ device use
According to a certified parent trainer, communicating with kids about their screen habits is an important tool in helping them reduce screen time.
In an interview with Khaleej Times, Elena Rethorn, an educator, parent coach and founder of Parent2Be, a course for parents, said parents should be aware of children’s excessive screen time during winter break. Instead of simply banning or prohibiting children from using devices, having a conversation about their use would go a long way toward limiting cell phone and tablet use, she suggested.
Too much screen time can affect a child’s physiology and lead to confused thinking patterns, she said. “They also lose the ability to manage time and plan for themselves. They become absolutely dependent,” she says. Other negative effects include loss of social skills and inability to communicate effectively with others.
During the pandemic, Elena said kids got used to spending a lot of time on their devices, with the result that today, many of them have lost interest in leaving the house. “I met someone who told me her 13-year-old refused to leave the house. Her mother simply couldn’t let her out,” she said.
Another parent told her how to buy the best outdoor gear for his child and how he struggled to convince him to leave the house. “The problem is, he also bought him the latest version of computer games, the latest mobile phone and a big screen in the kid’s room,” she said.
According to Elena, there are many factors involved, including the age of the child and what they are doing on the device. “Kids aren’t all the same. I know a kid who spends hours on his laptop, but he’s actually learning to program and improve his skills. He’s a genius and is actually learning, But his parents don’t know because he’s locked behind the door,” she said, adding, “There’s a reason why kids don’t want to talk when the door is closed — the relationship between them.”
Elena said that the shared language between children and parents sometimes disappears, something she notices when she sees children distracted by electronic devices in malls or restaurants.
“Parents come to me saying they don’t know what to do, they don’t listen to them,” she said, adding that while parents approach her to meet their children, she would rather work with the parents herself. “I told them, if I work with your kids, you lose authority.”
One key thing parents need to do, she stresses, is to shape the behaviors they want their children to adopt. “Even though we as adults spend a lot of time working on our phones and laptops, we need to tell them to have conversations about our use of devices as adults. I tell my kids that right now I’m reading emails at work, I’m going to check on clients, I have a coaching session. They see me at work instead of mindlessly scrolling all the time,” she said.
In her own home, Elena doesn’t have a TV, and while her 11-year-old son does use a laptop for schoolwork and online classes, she only allows him to use his phone when traveling. Conversations about screen time and gadget use should also include an element of planning, she said. “Parents and children can work together to plan how much time to spend in front of screens and what to do,” she said.
Finding alternative activities and taking attention away from screens is the solution parents need to plan for, she said. With younger children, parents may already know or guess what their child will like, but need to consult with older children, Elena said. “For example, don’t just put them in a robotics class and see if they like it,” she said.
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Encouraging them to get outdoors in nature and even visit the playground regularly are some of the things Elena recommends. If they’re older, she says they can be encouraged to take classes that the school doesn’t offer, or if they’re interested in acting or financial literacy classes.
The way parents talk to their children is very important. “For example, parents can tell their children that they have observed their screen use and take them through the day and tell them what they noticed. Don’t judge, criticize, blame or condemn,” she added, taking the right The way you communicate is important.
She encourages parents to seek professional help, such as a coach, if they feel they are unable to communicate effectively with their children.
Tips for Limiting Screen Time
Elena’s suggestion for children’s use of electronic devices is: do not look at the screen under 3 years old, 20-40 minutes for children 3-5 years old, 1 hour for children 6-9 years old, 2 hours for children 9-12 years old, and 2 hours for children over 12 years old more than 2 hours. “These times shouldn’t be in a full block, but better separated throughout the day,” she says.
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